Confidence

Confidence. It's something we all struggle with at one time or another. Whether it be weight issues or fear of what the future has in store, we've felt it. As most people know, it has been my dream since I was a little kid to be famous. I honestly don't care how I get there, as long as I do. I would prefer it to be as an actor, but lately I have been contemplating politics which seems to be a good route for me. After finishing my first year of college here at Texas Tech, the future has been on my mind quite a bit. I had always hoped to pull a Justin Bieber or Miley Cyrus and be famous by the time I was 16 but that didn't happen. As John Lennon said, "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." That's definitely been the story of my life thus far. Every plan I've made has been broken and that's taken quite a toll on my confidence.

I spent this past weekend at my grandparents' house in Logan, New Mexico. I got to enjoy myself and bake in the sun while jet skiing. Along with the fun I had, though, comes the drive back to Lubbock, Texas. The drive takes a little bit more than 3 hours, but the road is extremely narrow and constantly winding. Case in point, it's kind of a rough drive. About halfway to Clovis I was sick of being behind the wheel. In order to ease my nerves, I popped in my Glee CD and pressed the RDM (random) button. The first song that came on was Lea Michele and Idina Menzel's rendition of "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Miserables. I listened to it once and the harmonies were so good that I found myself pressing the back button. The next time I listened to it, I focused on the words. The song is sung from the point of view of someone who is lacking confidence because their dreams have been destroyed by life. At one point in the song, the singers sing "I had a dream my life would be so different from this hell I'm living." This line got me thinking. What if my dreams never do come true? What if I'm stuck living in Perryton, Texas for the rest of my life? I came up with the solution. People pursue their dreams too quickly. I want to be an actor, but I'm not ready. I'm not near as talented as I will be when I finish working with the incredible students and staff here at Texas Tech. It all comes down to confidence. While I may not WANT to wait, I NEED to. I'm not confident enough to completely put myself out there to be manipulated and torn apart by the media. Lindsay Lohan got into the business before she was fully confident in herself and now the media is eating her alive. Lady Gaga, on the other hand, is completely confident with the person she has become and it shows when she is confronted by the media. She maintains her composure and talks in a sophisticated manner.

When I have the confidence to, I am going to pursue my dream. Not only will I pursue it, but I will achieve it. I'm confident that I will.